


Sugar and Stress

by ito



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: $$$ CASH MONEY $$$, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Ancient coffee, Angst and Humor, Complicated Relationships, Embarrassing cyber flirting, Friendships that involve malicious boners, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obnoxious little queers, Romantic yet ambiguously legal hikes, Sugar Daddy, Tags to be added as the story progresses., Terribly mistreated stuffed animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ito/pseuds/ito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which broke gay teen Sungjong makes some questionable decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Sungjong begins a life of crime, and Sungyeol gets an erection from a western movie.

**Author's Note:**

> hey pals. this is what i've began affectionately calling "the sugaring fic," and it has occupied too much of my consciousness for too long. the first multi-chaptered fic i'm posting here, hope it goes well. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> also, a note: there's some casual ableism and classism in this story. Just a heads up.

Sungjong tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “What should my name be?” The quiet in response lead him to believe that Skype was malfunctioning again, but eventually Lee Sungyeol grunted as if verbally shrugging.

Sungjong sighed and passed the wad of gum from his right cheek to his left. It was originally grape-flavored, but now it was like chewing stiff plaster. He shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged in his desk chair, his fingers drumming on the desk.

“What do you think describes me?” he asked finally.

_“What, like physically?”_

“Sure, or, I don’t know. In general. How would you advertise me?”

Another grunt. Then, _“I dunno. You’re pretty cute. Make your name cute.”_

“I know I’m cute. But these guys don’t want _cute_. At least, that’s not all they want. I need to be special somehow.”

_“Hm. What do you think makes you unique?”_

“I can fit my whole fist in my mouth.”

_“Maybe save that tidbit for your bio. What else?”_

Sungjong looked around his room. “Um… I’m eighteen. I like to watch figure skating. I like it when people buy me things.”

_“Well, obviously. That’s why you’re signing up in the first place.”_

“…I’m good at memorizing things like sentences and stuff. My favorite flavor is grape. I sleep with a stuffed bear.”

 _“Oh, that’s cute. Do something with grapes or bears.”_ ’

“Grapes aren’t cute.”

_“Sure they are. Whatever. What’s your bear’s name?”_

“I don’t know. It doesn’t have one.”

_“Then what do you call it?”_

“I call it Bear. Or Teddy. Or Asshole. It varies. Sometimes I call it Sungyeol.”

_“Teddy is a cute name. You would make a good Teddy.”_

Sungjong had gotten up and moved over to stand next to his bed, where he was now holding his bear at arm’s length, studying it with a serious expression. He attempted to blow a bubble with his gum but it was too stiff, so he just poked his tongue through it and kept chewing. It tasted a bit like paper. Sungjong carried Bear back to his desk where he returned to his cross-legged position, hugging Bear to his chest and leaning his chin on its head.

“Teddy it is,” he mumbled, typing slowly. _Teddy_ was taken as a username, but _teddy1123_ wasn’t. “Now I need a picture. I’ll take one now.”

_“Alright, send it to me.”_

Sungjong opened his curtains to take a picture in the natural light, trying his best to look mature and experienced. After several dozen nearly identical photos were taken and deleted, he finally came across one that satisfied him.

 

_sungjjong1123 sent a file: hhhhzzhddhfbhhhzzzhbzbhb.jpeg_

 

Sungjong could hear typing from the other end of the line. He waited impatiently, tugging absently on the ears of his stuffed bear.

_“You look like a girl.”_

“Say that to my face, fucker.”

_“I can. Your face looks like a girl.”_

“Fight me.”

_“Sorry, I don’t fight girls.”_

“You’re a sad, sad little man. Anyway, I think it’s good that I look like a girl. Maybe I can use it to my advantage.”

_“That’s true. That’s definitely true.”_

“Alright. Let’s create Teddy.”

Teddy was a 21-year-old boy with all of Sungjong’s good traits and none of the bad. He was a “young, bubbly” character “looking to make friends and have fun.” For cash, of course.

 

 

Some week or so later, Sungjong and Sungyeol were loitering around a convenience store, picking things up and putting them down after sniffing at the price tag. Sungjong eventually wandered off, only to be found several minutes later crouching in front of a stand of nail polish.

“Should I get this one?” he asked, holding up a sparkly blue shade.

“You don’t wear nail polish,” Sungyeol rolled his eyes.

“Well, maybe I’ll start,” Sungjong responded, huffing and standing up, slipping the small bottle of polish into his sleeve.

“You can’t be serious,” Sungyeol snorted.

Sungjong’s eyes widened. He lifted a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Can’t be serious about what?”

Sungyeol sighed. “Nothing.”

After about thirty more minutes of standing without buying, Sungjong announced that he wanted frozen yogurt. When they arrived at a yogurt stand, it only took a brief second of Sungjong’s puppy eyes to convince Sungyeol to pay.

Sitting on the uncomfortable metal benches outside, Sungjong placed his new belongings on the table in front of them. Aside from the nail polish, he had collected a new razor, some BB cream, a small Pororo keychain, and a sample-sized bottle of women’s perfume.

“You don’t need any of that stuff,” Sungyeol said. Sungjong didn’t listen, instead beaming and holding up the keychain as if to give Sungyeol a closer look. He sighed. “Have you… Do you have any potential, uh, providers, yet?”

Sungjong packed his things into his messenger bag and took a thoughtful bite of yogurt. His brows pinched together.

“I’m talking to two guys right now. They both seem really creepy, though.”

“I’m pretty sure any old dude who’s willing to pay someone to date him is creepy. I think you’re going to have to lower your expectations a bit.”

Sungjong pouted. Sungyeol rolled his eyes.

“Stop it, asshole. You aren’t that cute.”

“Excuse you, yes I am. And I’m sure Mr. Right will come along eventually. I just have to be patient.”

“Well, what have your current prospects offered you?”

Sungjong wrinkled his nose. “One of them wanted to pay me 100,000 won to meet him for a first date. So of course that one was a no-brainer.”

“What about the other one?”

“He offered me 400,000. But I’m not sure. I think I’ll wait until I find someone who is more, I don’t know…”

“…Not a serial killer?”

Sungjong grinned. “Now you went and jinxed it.”

 

 

“I’m staying at your place tonight,” Sungjong announced once the door to Sungyeol’s single closed behind them with a click.

“Uh, when did you decide this?”

“When I first left home this morning,” Sungjong said, taking Bear out of his bag and grinning. Sungyeol sighed.

“Alright, I guess you can stay. But you have to hide if the RA comes by.” He sat at his desk. Sungjong left the stuffed bear on Sungyeol’s bed and bounced over to sit on his lap. Sungjong liked sitting on Sungyeol’s lap—sometimes he got hard. It was cute.

Sungyeol apparently was not feeling it today, as he simply sighed and wrapped his arms around Sungjong’s waist. “What do you want to do?”

“I dunno. Let’s look for movies.”

They ended up choosing some old American film about cowboys. Sungjong was bored of the movie within the first fifteen minutes. He ended up shifting on Sungyeol’s lap, complaining about how he couldn’t get comfortable, until he felt the telltale lump against his rear and heard Sungyeol gulp and excuse himself to the restroom. After his friend fastened the deadbolt and left, hands casually stuffed into his pockets, Sungjong logged into the arrangement website to check his messages.

There were new messages from his old potentials, plus three new ones. One he skipped over, as there wasn’t a profile picture. Another had a username that was quite unsavory. The third… well.

The third’s username was not at all creative, but it still managed to catch Sungjong’s eye. Perhaps he was desperate, but there is something to be admired in a man who chooses a random letter as his username.

Sungyeol came back from the bathroom, wiping his hands on his jeans. “What’s going on? Are you on that website again?”

Sungjong didn’t look away from the screen. “I got a new message.”

“Open it.”

 

_LLLLLLL messaged you!_

_LLLLLLL                        Hey_

 

Sungjong sniffed. “That’s it?”

“Does he expect you to do all the work?”

“I’ll just check him out.”

He clicked the username and they spent a minute scrolling through the profile in silence. Finally, Sungyeol spoke.

“Cat. _Fish_ ,” he murmured.

Sungjong nodded, but there was some part of him that wished, _deeply_ , for this guy to be legit. For a young, rich, _extremely_ attractive man to have singled him out and sent him a cryptic, one-word message on a sugaring website.

Sungyeol’s eyes flickered from the side of Sungjong’s face to the screen. “You can’t seriously think this guy is legit.”

“But what _if_ ,” Sungjong whined.

“But nothing. Anyone that hot wouldn’t have to pay someone to date him. Or, if he is, it means that he is probably majorly fucked up somehow.”

“I’ll just. I’ll just message him,” Sungjong murmured, clicking back to the chat.

“Aish,” Sungyeol sighed.

 

_LLLLLLL messaged you!_

_LLLLLLL                        Hey_

_teddy1123       hey!!_

Sungjong bit his lip. What were even the chances of—

 

_LLLLLLL is typing…_

“Stalkerrr,” Sungyeol whispered peevishly.

 

_LLLLLLL                        I like your pic. Whats up_

 

“What should I say? What does he want?” Sungjong felt his heart racing in his chest. This was stupid.

Sungyeol shrugged. “Tell him what’s up.”

“…That I’m on a dating website on a Saturday evening with my only friend in a cramped community college dorm without air conditioning?”

“Uh, no. Don’t tell him that.”

 

_teddy1123       not much (^ 0 ^)_

 

“Nice one.”

“Shut up.”

 

_LLLLLLL                        Alright_

 

“Fuck, I’m losing him. Why am I so stupid?”

“Don’t panic, dumbass. Alright, you can still save this one. If he’s really Prince Charming then he shouldn’t be turned off by your substandard social skills.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

 

_teddy1123       i was just watching this movie with my friend_

_teddy1123       it’s pretty interesting it’s about cowboys! it’s American_

_LLLLLLL                        Butch Cassidy?_

“…What?”

“It’s the name of the movie.”

“Oh.”

 

_teddy1123       yeah! have you seen it??_

_LLLLLLL                        I watched it a while ago. It’s a good movie_

“Okay, okay, this is something. Talk about movies.”

“I don’t know shit about movies.”

“Well then talk about that.”

 

_teddy1123       so do you like movies???_

_LLLLLLL                        Yeah I guess_

_LLLLLLL                        I studied film for a while_

_teddy1123       what’s your favorite movie?_

_LLLLLLL                        That's a tough question haha_

 

“He laughed!”

“He wrote ‘ha ha.’ That doesn’t mean he laughed.”

“He’s a film student!”

“Students don’t have the kind of money to pay for dates.”

“Maybe he’s an heir or something.”

“Maybe he’s a literal Prince Charming.”

 

_teddy1123       so you’re out of college?_

_LLLLLLL                        Yeah. I went for a while but then I stopped_

_LLLLLLL                        What about you?_

“Ooh, a college dropout. What a catch.”

“Shut up, would you? Just give him a chance.”

“So, is Teddy in college?”

“Teddy needs some cash before he can afford college, amigo.”

 

_teddy1123       i haven’t been to college yet (u n u)_

_LLLLLLL                        Ah_

_teddy1123       so about movies……_

_LLLLLLL                        Yeah_

_teddy1123       i don’t know anything about movies!!_

_teddy1123       i’ve always been interested in learning more about them tho_

_teddy1123       maybe you could teach me?? ( > u >)_

_LLLLLLL                        Sure_

 

“Oh shit, I think we’ve got him.”

Sungjong squeaked a bit. “What should I do? Should I set up a date?”

Sungyeol shook his head. “No. I still say that’s not his real picture. Ask him for proof that he’s actually sex incarnate.”

“How do I do that in a way that isn’t super aggressive?”

 

_teddy1123       hey can i ask you something kinda awkward??_

_LLLLLLL                        Ok_

_teddy1123       what’s that book on the shelf behind you in your picture?_

_teddy1123       i think i recognize the cover but i can’t quite make it out_

_LLLLLL              Ah I took that picture in my parents’ old house_

“Cat. Fish.”

“Shhh!”

 

_teddy1123       aw that's too bad (u _ u)_

_LLLLLLL                        I might still have the book around here somewhere though_

_LLLLLLL                        Hang on a sec_

“Wait. Is he…”

“Let’s see.”

 

_LLLLLLL is typing…_

_LLLLLLL sent a file: photo_at_2015.06.26.22:58.jpeg_

They opened the file. It was a picture of LLLLLLL, with damp hair and a white shirt, holding up the book so that it covered half of his face. The half of his face that was showing was identical to the face in the rest of his pictures.

Sungjong and Sungyeol both exhaled sharply.

“There has to be a catch,” Sungyeol mumbled, shaking his head.

Sungjong was a bit dazed. Everything was happening very quickly, and the fact that he had a handsome, educated, hopefully wealthy suitor made him feel like he was in the middle of a very nice dream.

 

_LLLLLLL                        You there?_

_teddy1123       yeah haha!! sorry i guess i don’t know the book after all_

_LLLLLLL                        Tell me about yourself_

“Well, as fun as it is to watch you kids flirt, I want to finish the movie,” Sungyeol grumbled.

“Movie schmovie. Can you not see that I’m in the middle of the deal of a lifetime?”

“Why are you talking about this as if it’s a business exchange?”

“Because it _is_ ,” Sungjong said, sighing dramatically. “This is my chance to make some money. And he’s hot! He’s _so_ hot, Sungyeol, admit it.”

“He’s got a nice face, sure.”

“And he’s got money.”

“We don’t know that for sure.”

“I’m willing to take a risk.”

Sungyeol groaned. “You don’t know how big of a risk this is, though. Do you know how dangerous this could be? He’s a stranger. It shows up on the news all the time, about how sex workers are abused or missing—“

“I won’t be a _sex worker_ ,” Sungjong snapped. “I’ll just. I’ll be a friend.”

Sungyeol shook his head. “I’m not going to help you with this. It’s too weird. I’m going to bed.”

“Sungyeo-ol,” Sungjong whined. His friend didn’t respond, just slipping out of his shirt and climbing into his bed. The plastic mattress cover squeaked unpleasantly.

Sungjong sighed and turned back to the screen. It was 11:12. Damn.

His hands hovered over the keyboard for a second before typing.

 

_teddy1123       what sort of things do you want to know?_

_LLLLLLL                        Tell me about your interests. Things like that_

_teddy1123       hm…_

_teddy1123       i like figure skating!_

_LLLLLLL                        How long have you been figure skating?_

_teddy1123       oh haha i haven’t actually been figure skating before…_

_teddy1123       i just love watching it on tv_

_teddy1123       it’s so pretty i’ve just always liked watching it since i was a kid_

_LLLLLLL                        That’s nice_

_LLLLLLL                        Maybe I’ll take you figure skating_

Sungjong’s heart was lodged in his throat. He chewed on his lip, wishing he had gum with him. This can’t be real. He blinked his hair out of his eyes.

 

_teddy1123       that would be so great!! \\(^ o ^)/_

_LLLLLLL                        I’m L, by the way_

_LLLLLLL                        Do you go by Teddy?_

_teddy1123       yes!_

_LLLLLLL                        That’s cute_

_teddy1123       thank you~!_

_LLLLLLL                        What else do you like?_

 

Sungjong was up for hours chatting with L online. They talked about all sorts of things, from movies that Sungjong hadn’t watched to figure skaters that L hadn’t heard of. At around 3 AM, L excused himself, saying that he was tired and had to get up early. Sungjong said goodbye, with a winky face, and logged off.

He closed Sungyeol’s computer and stood, rolling his shoulders to crack his back. Glancing over to the bed in the corner, he could see his friend’s sleeping form. Sungjong sighed and slipped out of his pants, crawling into bed beside Sungyeol in only his shirt and briefs.

Sungyeol grunted out half a snore and cracked open his eyes as Sungjong snuggled up against him, throwing an arm and a leg around his lanky body.

“Are you awake, Sungyeollie?” Sungjong purred.

“I am now,” Sungyeol groaned.

“Are we still friends?” Sungjong whispered.

“Of course we’re still friends, asshole. Now let me sleep.”

Sungjong giggled quietly and gave Sungyeol a sloppy kiss on the cheek. The latter let out a noise of complaint and struggled to wipe his face but his arms were pinned by Sungjong’s wiry hug.

They slept in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sungjong is 18. "teddy" and "L" are 21. just to clear that up.


	2. In which Sungyeol makes the worst coffee ever, and Sungjong considers the energy displacement of a ceramic mug.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative chapter titles: "AU where Myungsoo doesn't know what a cardigan is," "In which Sungjong is in love with the cocoa," "Mom, can you drive me to the station? I want to meet my sugar daddy irl."

The entire room smelled like nail polish, even after Sungjong had opened a window. Sungyeol just about pissed himself laughing at his friend trying to unlock the window without damaging his nails, hands splayed out and rigid.

The television was on but the volume was so low that it might as well have been turned off. Sungjong stepped gracefully onto the bed before sitting on the mattress with his legs extended, pointing his toes like a dancer.

“Toenails too,” he said, tossing his hair out of his eyes. Sungyeol sighed.

“Anything for your majesty.” As he carefully painted Sungjong’s toenails, the younger shimmied his phone out of his pocket and delicately typed into it. They sat in silence for a bit, concentrating.

Then, breaking the silence, Sungjong coughed. “Do you think I should meet L?” he said offhandedly. Sungyeol shrugged and dipped the brush into the polish, starting on Sungjong’s left foot.

“It’s just,” Sungjong continued, huffing out a sigh, “we’ve been talking for, like, several weeks now, right? And I think he wants to see me.”

“Do you want to see him?”

“Of course I do.”

“What… what is he like?”

Sungjong bit his lip. “He’s… kind of weird. I feel like he isn’t really trying to get into a sugaring relationship with me, he’s just… I feel like he’s just an awkward pen pal, honestly.”

“But you still think he wants to see you?”

Sungjong put a manicured hand on his chest, gasping in false distain. “Of _course_ he does. Who wouldn’t? He’s just shy, I’m sure.”

“Right. Okay. Or he’s a murderer and he preys on obnoxious little queers.”

“Ouch. I’m not little.”

“Ha-ha. Where do you plan on meeting him?”

“I’m not sure, maybe a restaurant or something? I’ll ask.” Sungjong went back to typing on his phone.

“Wait,” Sungyeol said, eyes wide. “You gave him your _number?”_

Sungjong rolled his eyes. “ _Tsk_ , no, stupid. I gave him my Line. It’s easier to talk to him like this, anyway.”

Then: “He wants to have coffee.”

Sungyeol snorted. “There’s no way this guy is rich.”

“Rich people drink coffee too, you know.”

“Well, whatever. If he buys you some fancy expensive coffee from Antigua or whatever, you know who to give it to.”

“Of course.”

“Now I want coffee. Dammit. Do you have any coffee?”

“Probably.”

Sungjong didn’t know how to work his own coffee press, which made sense as it was collecting dust in the corner of the kitchen since his dad moved out, so it took a while for Sungyeol to manage to get it to work.

“Su-ma-to-ra.”

“Sumatra.”

“Su-ma-ta-la.”

“Sumatra.”

“Suma-te-ra-re-ra.”

“Just give it over,” Sungyeol sighed, grabbing the Sumatra blend from his friend and shutting the cupboard. “How old is this coffee anyway?”

“Not older than me.”

“Not older than you, or not older than Teddy?”

“Both.” Sungjong hopped up to sit on the counter, bouncing his heels against the cabinet beneath.

“By the way, have you told Mr. Perfect that you’re barely legal?”

“No, why would I tell him that?”

“Because you’re barely legal.”

“Teddy isn’t.”

Sungyeol shook his head. “You have much to learn about the legal system, my friend.”

Sungjong giggled.

They had coffee. Or rather, Sungjong had a sip and retched, and Sungyeol tasted it, declared it was the worst coffee he had ever had, and then finished the pot and made another.

 

 

While a café date seemed like a nice, simple idea when it had come to fruition, Sungjong cursed himself as he stared at his closet. What the hell did someone wear to get coffee? What would L be wearing? What did L expect him to wear?

Sungyeol joked over a Skype call that L was just like any other cowardly guy at work who asks someone out for coffee in an attempt to be casual. Sungjong asked him if he thought it was a good date, and Sungyeol replied that he would take free coffee where he could get it.

Sungjong considered his outfit for a long period of time. He had to start considering himself as a product to be sold to a target audience. So what was he selling? Should he go for youth and playfulness? Or sexiness? Or should he just dress the way one would for a coffee date? Should he try and look like he didn’t care? No, that wouldn’t work. He cared too much to pretend he didn’t care.

Finally he found a cardigan. A cardigan! The perfect accessory for an effeminate young man who wants to make bank. Casual, yes, classy, yes, cute, yes. Perfect? Absolutely. He texted L to let him know he’d be wearing a cardigan.

 

_LLLLLLL                        Whats a cardigan_

 

Whatever. He was psyched. He felt like puking, of course, but mostly he felt like getting paid.

 

 

 

Sungjong’s mom gave him a ride to the station, under the impression that he would be going to the city with Sungyeol. He kissed her on the cheek before boarding, then found an empty window seat and typed out a text.

 

            _what if he wants to bang???_

_don't do it. ur not that kind of girl,_ Sungyeol replied.

            _i so am tho_

_dude if u put out on the first date then that sets a precedent_. wh _y buy the cow when u can get the milk for free_

_wow thanks mom_

 

The ride was short, only a few stops, but Sungjong managed to skip through every song in his phone before settling on some old one that he didn’t remember downloading.

The café was relatively close to the station, but Sungjong still got lost and ended up walking around the block and having to retrace his steps back to the platform. When he arrived at the café, L was already there.

He was sitting in one of the chic but somewhat uncomfortable olive green loveseats in the back, flipping his phone around in his hands. Leaning forward, eyes skittering around the room, bottom lip caught gently between his teeth. Sungjong felt something similar to stage fright.

When L’s eyes met his, the guy broke out into a wide but closed-mouth smile. He had dimples. Sungjong’s knees went a bit weak. L maneuvered into a half-standing position, leaning over the low table in front of him, and beckoned Sungjong over.

Sungjong tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and walked over to the loveseat where L was sitting. He kept his eyes cast downward as he bowed, admiring L’s obviously expensive but poorly kept dress boots.

“Sit down,” L said. He was still smiling. It made his eyes close slightly from the bottom, like dark half-moons. He looked different from in his pictures, but not in a bad way—slightly tanner, and definitely more animated. For the first time, Sungjong considered his Potential as a living entity that occupied space, rather than a name and a handsome face on a screen.

Sungjong sat. His hair fell in front of his face and he shook his head a bit to get it out of his eyes. He gave L his most winning smile. L huffed out a soft, awkward laugh. Sungjong knew that there could not be any extended silences on this date.

L said, “Did you have a hard time finding this place?” at the same time as Sungjong said “Have you ordered already?” They both laughed, embarrassed.

L shook his head. “I haven’t ordered yet. I was waiting for you.”

Sungjong smiled and sat up straight. “What a gentleman,” he teased.

“What do you want to get?” L said, reaching for his wallet. Sungjong craned his head to look at the menu.

“Just hot chocolate, I think. I don’t like coffee.”

“Fair enough. I’ll be right back.”

L got coffee. It came in a red mug with a pattern drawn in the foam on top. Sungjong’s hot chocolate had more whipped cream than actual chocolate, but he didn’t mind.

L picked up his cup and leaned back into the couch. Sungjong watched how his hands curled around the mug, imagining the transfer of heat from ceramic to skin. “So,” L said, “Like I said, did you have a hard time finding this place?”

“Yeah,” Sungjong laughed, “but it’s just because I was an airhead and I overcomplicated the way. But I’m here now, yay!” He lifted his hot chocolate to his lips, only getting a mouthful of whipped cream on the first sip. He could feel L’s eyes on his hands. At first he thought that L might also be considering the thermodynamics of a caffeinated drink, but then L’s eyes met his.

“I like your nails,” he said, half-smiling.

“Aren’t they great?” Sungjong released his mug with one had to extend his arm, observing his own fingertips before holding them out to give L a closer look. “I painted them the other day. Blue isn’t really my color, but I think they suit me.”

L lifted a hand, hesitated, and then asked, “May I?”

Sungjong nodded, and L took his hand, pulling it closer to examine it carefully. “I like… I like the sparkles,” he said, laughing a bit. Sungjong laughed too.

L was a bit difficult to talk to, but as they picked at conversation topics, their intercourse gradually became easier. It started simple, like when Sungjong asked what L’s favorite season was, and then became more complicated, when he asked why.

It was winter. “Because of the sound.”

Sungjong wrinkled his nose into his cup of cocoa. “Winter doesn’t have a sound.”

L nodded. “Sure it does. Like when you’re walking through the snow and you can hear the way it sticks to your boots. Or when there’s a blizzard outside and it’s quiet.”

Sungjong laughed, a bit amazed. “Those aren’t sounds. What you just described was lack of sound.”

“Exactly. I like it when things are quiet.”

Sungjong didn’t know how to react, so he laughed again, softly, hoping he wasn’t coming off as insensitive.

L didn’t seem to mind, as he gave another smile, this one showing a flash of teeth. Sungjong didn’t know that teeth could be attractive. Dimples, on the other hand—those were deadly.

“Sorry if I say some weird stuff,” L said, huffing out a shy laugh. “I’m not used to, um, talking to people like this.”

Sungjong leaned forward, eye wide. “What? Really? But you’re so—“ He trailed off. Handsome? Rich? For some reason he assumed that L would take neither as a compliment.

L just shook his head. His smile closed again. Sungjong realized that this was not a conversation to be having on the first date.

“So, uh, my favorite season is spring, probably,” Sungjong said. “Because I like when it’s sunny out but still cool enough to wear a jacket, because I like jackets.”

“You like jackets,” L repeated, amused.

“Yeah,” Sungjong said, swirling the specks of cocoa stuck in the remaining moisture at the bottom of his mug. “Because, um, I don’t have that many clothes, and jackets are a way to add to an outfit.”

“So you like fashion,” L said.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not something I’m, like, _obsessed_ with, I just like to dress well. I like to wear things that look good on me.”

“I bet anything would look good on you,” L said. Sungjong was a bit surprised by this sudden compliment, but when he lifted his gaze from where his sweaty hands were clamped around his cup, L had already turned away to take a long sip of coffee.

Their date was over after two hours and three hot chocolates. L walked Sungjong back to the station, joking that he didn’t want him getting lost again. They walked with a space between them, L’s arms crossed and Sungjong’s hands gripping awkwardly at the hem of his cardigan. Sungjong wondered if they would ever hold hands while walking.

L paid Sungjong’s traveling fees, and also gave him 500,000 won, in cash, tucked into a long white envelope. They had talked about payment before, but it was still shocking to hold so much money at once. L looked a bit sheepish handing it over, as if it was a valentine. Sungjong smiled.

“Teddy…” L said, as the train approached the platform. Sungjong blinked up at him. L was scratching the back of his neck. “…Let’s do this again,” he said finally.

Sungjong half expected a kiss, but he instead was offered a hand to shake.

As the train left the station, Sungjong sat on an envelope full of cash, listening to that same old song on repeat. After a while he stopped listening to the words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it takes so long to update this story. it's just that i have to read over a chapter like twenty times before i'm okay with publishing it, and even then it's a struggle to let it go and realize that perfection isn't gonna happen. thanks for all the comments, they really inspire me!


	3. In which L buys a shirt that isn't black, and Sungjong learns about his dark anime past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is short. some shit happened, and i didn't have access to a computer for a while. but i'm back!

_DW: how was your day???_

_DW: ive been watching xiaolin showdown on youtube for hours man_

_DW: btw guess what_

_DW: xiaolin showdoen is on youtube!!_

_MS: That’s great_

_MS: I had my date today_

_DW: yoooo_

_DW: howd it go?? this was with teddy?_

_MS: Yeah_

_DW: was he pretty?_

_MS: Yeah_

_DW: :^/_

_DW: tellll meeee about him!!!_

_MS: He likes jackets._

_DW: :^O ????_

_DW: that's a silly thign to like_

_DW: what a funny guy_

_MS: Yeah he’s interesting_

_MS: His nails were painted_

_DW: that's cute!!!_

_DW: do you think hes nd??_

_MS: What do you mean_

_DW: maybe he paints his nails ummm_

_DW: bc of urges??? or ticks_

_DW: my old roommate put tape on his nails_

_DW: to keep from pickin g at his arms_

_MS: I don’t think Teddy is like that_

_DW: i still don't get why ur paying him_

_MS: It’s just_

_MS: Easier this way?_

_DW: rich ppl, i s2g_

_MS: Haha                     (Read 22:34)_

_MS: You there?_

_DW: yes_

_MS: Do you want to go?_

_DW: yeah :^/_

_MS: Ok_

_MS: Are you going to watch more Xiaolin Showdown_

_DW: u know it_

_MS: Good_

_MS: I’ll talk to you later_

_DW: bye byeee                        (Read 22:36)_

 

It was right straight, left cross, right hook, and Sungjong was winning 6-0. Of course, his opponent was a stuffed bear, but he prided himself on being undefeated.

“Why—“ (punch) “—won’t—“ (punch) “—he—“ (punch) “—text me back?” (A knee to the furry gut.)

Sungjong’s computer sighed across the room. “ _I don’t know,”_ Sungyeol said. _“Why don’t I have any friends in my Calculus class?”_

Sungjong threw the bear against his door and ran to pick it up and put it in a headlock. “Do you even have any college friends?” he said.

Sungyeol huffed out a laugh that issued from the computer speakers as a wash of static. _“Sure I do. Remember Woohyun? He’s. He’s nice, right?”_

“I thought you haven’t talked to him since that party last fall.”

_“Woohyun and I are tight. We’re in anthro together.”_

“Has he forgiven you for puking in his car yet?”

_“I told you, it wasn’t_ his _car.”_

Sungjong sighed. He held the bear to his face and mumbled into its furry belly.

_“What was that?”_

“I said I want to see him again.”

_“Woohyun?”_

“No. You know.”

_“You’re such a teenage girl. You’re not falling for him, are you?”_

“Of course not. Don’t be stupid, I’ve only met him once.”

_“But he’s hot.”_

“He’s so hot. So hot.”

_“But you’re not into him.”_

“No. But he’s so hot.”

_“As you’ve mentioned.”_

“Like honestly, his face is so sexy. I can’t even describe what it does to me.”

_“You can stop talking at any time.”_

“God, just thinking about his eyes is making me wet—“

_“Okay, whoa, I’m gonna have to stop you right there.”_

Sungjong dissolved into giggles. He picked up Bear and kissed its nose with a loud smacking noise. “Oh, L,” he sang. “I’ve been waiting all this time for someone to teach me how to love—“

_“I’m logging off.”_

“You’re jealous of a bear, Sungyeollie. How does that feel?”

_“Not great. Look, did you just call me to complain and have sex with a stuffed animal? Because if you don’t know how to find the integral of a natural log, you are of no help to me.”_

“God, speak Korean, please. And no. I called you because you’re my friend and I enjoy your company.” Sungjong did his best to convey his pout vocally. The sigh that his dramatics earned made him grin.

_“I’m flattered. Look, Sungjong—“_ Sungyeol was cut off by Sungjong screeching and diving over his bed to where his phone was buzzing softly.

“It’s L Sungyeol he texted me oh my God,” Sungjong shouted.

_“What did Mr. Perfect say this time,”_ Sungyeol sighed.

“He said ‘Hey.’”

_“How romantic.”_ Sungjong could hear Sungyeol drumming a pencil against his desk. He knew Sungyeol was annoyed, and he bit his lip.

“…Do you want me to look up the interval of a natural log for you?” he asked, eyes glancing from the phone to the computer. Sungyeol sighed again.

_“No, it's alright. Talk to your Daddy, or whatever. I have work to do, anyway.”_ The computer made a soft noise, signaling that Sungyeol had ended the call.

Sungjong huffed.

 

_LLLLLLL                        Hey_

_teddy1123       hey!!!_

_LLLLLLL                        Sorry i haven’t been good about keeping in touch_

_LLLLLLL                        I’m kind of bad at this_

_teddy1123       don't worry!! (^ o ^)_

_teddy1123       you’re doing fine lol_

_LLLLLLL                        Good to know_

_LLLLLLL                        Want to get together again soon?_

_teddy1123       yes omg!!!!_

_LLLLLLL                        You mentioned that you don't have many clothes_

_LLLLLLL                        Lets go shopping_

 

 

They went shopping. At the first store, Sungjong was modest with his purchases, loudly convincing L that he didn’t need everything he tried on. However, when they got to the register and Sungjong noticed the ease with which L pulled out his shiny leather wallet (and the black credit card inside), he realized that there was no need for restraint.

The receipts got longer and longer, and although Sungjong’s tongue was a bit dry, L didn’t seem to have any problems with all the zeroes. Sungjong cautiously took this as a good sign.

Their small talk consisted mostly of clothing suggestions for one another and half-hearted attempts at bonding. Sungjong found out that L had a quiet but considerable interest in anime, and listened with amazed entertainment as L recounted a time when he had attempted to convince his Film Criticism class of the merit of animation as an art form. L was cute when he was embarrassed, and though he laughed at the memory, something about his expression was off, as if he had a sour taste at the back of his throat.

At one point, L tried on a button down shirt that Sungjong suggested. Sungjong had noted that of the few clothes that L had chosen for himself, all were dark and modest. L had given him a quizzical look when the pale blue shirt was pressed into his hands, but he went into the dressing room without complaint.

When he came out, he was in the process of rolling one of the sleeves up. He kept his eyes down, but he was smiling.

“Your collar’s wonky,” Sungjong said, walking over to straighten the shirt. It was when his fingertips brushed against the side of L’s neck that he realized that this was the closest he and L had ever been. The closest his mouth had ever been to L’s mouth. Sungjong belatedly noticed that L had gone stiff at the touch, blinking at him. He didn’t seem upset by the touch, and he didn’t pull away. He just remained perfectly still as Sungjong fixed his collar. Sungjong pretended that he couldn’t feel L’s eyes on his face, his breath on his ear. He stepped back, smoothing over the front of L’s shirt quickly and looking him up and down.

“You look good,” he said finally. “Jjang.” He gave L two thumbs up, grinning.

L smiled, his eyes arching, and turned to admire himself in a mirror. Sungjong casually lifted his hand up to his own neck to check his pulse. When L turned around again, he pretended that he was smoothing back his hair.

“Are you going to get it?” Sungjong asked.

“Do you think I should?” L countered.

Sungjong nodded enthusiastically and was rewarded with dimples.

Since Sungjong’s wardrobe had practically doubled in size, L paid for a cab to take him home. Sungjong hadn’t expected any money considering all of the gifts that L had given him, and he was surprised when another white envelope was shoved into his hands with the same embarrassed gratitude as before.

After Sungjong had squeezed himself into the back seat with all of his shopping bags, L leaned on the door, lowering his head to look at Sungjong. “Um, I forgot to mention,” he mumbled. “My friends are having… a party thing, in the future? And I’d like it if you could go with me. I’d, um, give you extra. You don’t have to do anything.”

L’s bangs had fallen into his eyes. Sungjong reached out and brushed them away. Again, L jolted in surprise but otherwise didn’t pull away or move closer. Instead his dark eyes searched Sungjong’s face. Sungjong didn’t know what he was looking for, so he just smiled and nodded. “I’d love to. Text me later, okay?”

“Okay,” L mumbled. Then he backed up and closed the door, and Sungjong was sent home, his hands tightening around the white envelope.

 

 

_SJ: SUNGYEOLLIE_

_SJ: SUNGEYOLLLLLLL_

_SJ: FUCK_

_SY: jesus what is it_

_SJ: SOMETHING HAPPENED_

_SY: so ive gathered_

_SJ: NO ITS BAD_

_SY: just tell me oh my god_

_SJ: i sent L my wishlist_

_SJ: bc hes been so nice about buying me things_

_SY: yeah and?_

_SJ: he bought EVERYTHING_

_SJ: my ENTIRE wishlist_

_SJ: EVERYTHING_

_SY: i don't see how that's a bad thing_

_SJ: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND_

_SJ: I HAD BUTT PLUGS ON THERE_

_SY: oh_

_SY: oh my god_

_SJ: do you get it now?????_

_SJ: ( > A < ;;)_

_SY: maybe he didn’t even know_

_SJ: of course he knew_

_SJ: there was_

_SJ: … more_

_SY: like what_

_SJ: i’m not at liberty to say._

_SY: why do i get the feeling that ur gonna tell me anyway_

_SJ: …_

_SJ: okay okay it was lube_

_SJ: and maybe a vibe or two_

_SJ: and more plugs_

_SJ: one of them /might/ have had a tail attached to it_

_SY: tmi_

_SY: why did you not think about this before sending him your wishlist_

_SJ: i didn't think he would buy EVERYTHING!!_

_SJ: just clothes or a phone or something!!!!!_

_SY: well looks like you got everything_

_SJ: lol_

_you ever wanted_

_SY: congrats_

_SJ: you smug asshole_

_SY: i’m a smug asshole but at least i’ve got a snug asshole_

_SY: bada bing_

_SJ: i’m logging off_

_Lee Sung Jong is offline!_

_SY: pssh you loved it_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is almost at a point that i've been anticipating for a while. get pumped.


	4. In which everything gets a bit more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't updated in a while. also i changed my username from xiiumiin to ito because it's short and sweet. anyway, this is a chapter i've been excited about since i started writing this story. happy reading.

June had shifted into July, which then shifted into August, and the A/C in Sungjong’s house was broken. That was his excuse for sleeping in Sungyeol’s equally stifling room and cramming both of their sweaty bodies into the twin bed.

Sungjong had promised not to talk about L since Sungyeol had taken to plugging his ears whenever the letter was mentioned. Still, when his bedmate had finally heaved over to face the wall, his muffled snores eventually echoing off the plaster, Sungjong shifted to reach for his phone off of the headboard. The screen blinded him momentarily. Since the party that L had invited him to was on Saturday, relatively close to their last meet-up, Sungjong wasn’t expecting another date before then, but after his eyes adjusted, he was pleasantly surprised by a new message.

 

_L: Can we get together tomorrow?_

_L: I’ll pay you_

_teddy: sure!! when??? where????_

_L: Be ready to be picked up at 9_

_teddy: you’ll pick me up??_

_teddy: do you drive?_

_L: No_

_L: I’ll send a cab_

_teddy: ( o 0 o )_

_teddy: ok!!!_

Sungjong bit his lip. He was sure that Sungyeol wouldn’t think highly of his accepting a ride from a near-stranger, but despite how little he knew about L, Sungjong _trusted_ him. Which obviously wasn’t much reason to get in a car without knowing the destination, but Sungjong decided he would figure it out in the morning.

When morning came, Sungjong awoke to the soft buzzing of his phone on the headboard. After stretching to silence it, Sungjong was faced with the struggle of untangling himself from Sungyeol’s lengthy appendages. He eventually managed to wrestle his way out and he got dressed in the dark. He didn’t have anything special to wear so he just stole one of Sungyeol’s button-down shirts, rolling up the sleeves. He grabbed his phone off the bed and paused, looking at Sungyeol’s sleeping form.

Sungjong smiled fondly and leaned in to press a soft kiss against Sungyeol’s forehead before slipping out and letting the metal door close behind him with a click.

 

The cab looked fancier than any cab that Sungjong had ever ridden in, but the driver didn’t seem to mind his unwashed hair and borrowed shirt.

Sungjong typed out a quick message to Sungyeol ( _hi i got into a cab that L sent if u don't hear from me by 3 then i might be dead)_ and then put in his earbuds and looked out the window.

Sungjong judged the ride to be about twenty minutes long, considering he had listened to four and a half songs by the time the cab pulled up to a small crêpe stand where L was waiting. He looked different than Sungjong remembered, but he couldn’t tell what had changed. Maybe it was the way he was smiling, like something was curled up in his stomach.

Sungjong decided to exude extra sunshine today, and got out of the car beaming. “Hi!” he said, jumping over to take L’s arm. L went stiff but still gave a closed-lip smile. “What are we doing today?” Sungjong asked.

“Do you want a crêpe?” L countered, already reaching for his wallet. Sungjong nodded eagerly.

The strawberry-to-cream ratio of the crêpe was off, but Sungjong still nibbled at it happily. His hands got sticky and he licked them off, hoping L wouldn’t mind.

On the contrary, L actually seemed to soften a bit at the sight, and the smile he gave then was warmer. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Sungjong slid his hand into L’s as they walked. L predictably stiffened at the contact. He cleared his throat.

“That’s not your shirt.” It wasn’t a question. L’s hand was damp.

“No, it’s not,” Sungjong said, turning away and casually sniffing at his shoulder. He wondered when the shirt had last been washed. He was now realizing that it was fairly wrinkled.

L was silent. Sungjong thought that the conversation had been dropped, but then L spoke again. “It’s too big on you.”

Sungjong laughed. “It’s my friend’s. He’s really tall.”

L grunted and didn’t say anything else. Sungjong thought he felt his hand tighten, but only ever so slightly, and he decided it was just his imagination.

They walked for a while. Sungjong couldn’t tell how long it had been. Time seemed to be stretched out by the silence but sped up by L’s clammy hand in his. They turned into a garden—the kind not intended for children but for contemplative adults with an interest in botany and glass sculpture. Sungjong was interested in neither of those things so he studied the grass. It wasn’t late enough in the summer for the grass to turn brown.

They still weren’t talking. Sungjong was waiting for the silence to become comfortable, but it didn’t. Finally he said, “It’s nice out here.”

L said “hm,” and the corners of his mouth turned up. Sungjong tried again.

“Do you come here often?”

“I used to. This is my first time here in a long time.” L’s smile looked tight.

Sungjong swallowed. More sunshine. More energy. _This is your job_. He started swinging their joined arms, forward and back, and smiled at the side of L’s face. L turned his head slightly, and smiled, more loosely now, his cheeks dimpling.

The path they walked on was made out of many little tan stones, and it cut a divide between the grass and a thick cluster of trees marking the park’s boundaries. Sungjong remembered walking on paths like these as a kid, and kicking the little stones into the grass because he liked the way the dust rose up. His dad would get angry with him and hold his wrist very tight.

L’s hand was loose in his own, and Sungjong wasn’t sure what he wanted at this moment.

“Let’s turn here,” L said suddenly. Sungjong didn’t know what he meant, but he felt L’s arm gently pressing into his side, their hands twisted together. He looked up and L was nodding in the direction of the trees.

“Can we go in there?” Sungjong asked.

L shrugged. “The woods here technically aren’t a part of the park, so there aren’t really any rules about going in. As long as we aren’t drinking, or something.”

Sungjong nodded slowly and allowed L to pull him through a gap in the trees, and then everything was green and slightly cooler. The trees were thin and tall and the light that filtered through them made everything look spotted. It was Sungjong’s favorite kind of light, the kind that you don’t get often when you live in the city.

Although the woods were not as clearly preened as the garden, L and Sungjong were walking along what you could tell was a path of some sort, defined not by little tan stones but by years of heavy feet tripping over roots, hands braced against trees. Sungjong watched how L wove through the woods, his free hand lightly brushing against bark as if he was finding his way by touch.

Again, time passed in a strange way. They could not have been more than half a mile away from the park, but Sungjong felt as though they were in another world. After what felt to Sungjong like fifteen minutes (but which was actually more like five), L’s grip on his hand tightened somewhat and there weren’t trees anymore. Sungjong had been so intent on watching his feet that he hadn’t noticed that they had entered a clearing.

It was a small expanse of grass, possibly cleared out long ago for an illegal campground or a smoking spot, ringed by the same tall trees. As they stepped out under the sky, L looked as if he had just taken off a heavy coat. He let go of Sungjong’s hand and stretched. Sungjong heard something in his spine crack. L leaned his head back, eyes shut, and breathed in through his nose. Then he turned to Sungjong and said, “Let’s sit down.”

They sat in the exact center of the clearing. Or, rather, Sungjong sat, and L lay down, kicking out his feet and folding his hands across his stomach and chest. His eyes squinted at the sky. Sungjong looked up. He couldn’t tell if the sky itself was gray or if it was just covered by one big cloud.

Sungjong looked at L. His eyes were barely open, but Sungjong could see them glinting between his eyelashes.

“I used to come here and lay down like this,” L said, “and I’d look up and pretend that the sky was a big hole and that I was magnetized to the ground. And that I would end up falling in if I moved.” L clenched his eyes shut. His hands fell from his chest to grip at the grass by his sides. Sungjong wasn’t sure what to say.

“It bothered me more then than it does now,” L continued. His knuckles were white. “I’m not sure why I did it. Maybe I wanted to fall in. But I remember it scared me so much.”  Sungjong blinked.

L’s arm suddenly moved, and his hand was around Sungjong’s wrist. Not tightly, like his father’s had been, but still firm, like a handcuff. The fingernails were stained green. L’s eyes had opened, and they met Sungjong’s.

“If I start falling,” L said slowly, “I want you to catch me.” His eyes were wide, now, and Sungjong had stopped breathing. “Because I’m paying you, right? So you won’t leave me behind. You won’t let me fall in.”

“L,” Sungjong started, but he was cut off.

“My name is Myungsoo.” A sharp exhale through the nose.

“Myungsoo.” Sungjong swallowed. “My name is Sungjong. I… I won’t let you fall in.”

“Sungjong,” Myungsoo said. His mouth turned up at the corners, slightly, and his hand fell back onto his chest. “I’m sorry to burden you like this.”

“I’m not burdened,” Sungjong said. Myungsoo’s head tilted back to face the sky. His eyelashes fanned out against his cheeks. It was easy, so easy, for Sungjong to just… just lean in, and…

Myungsoo’s lips seemed to work well against Sungjong’s. Even though he had predictably gone stiff, his mouth still opened and closed with Sungjong’s, as if they both followed the same rhythm. Sungjong leaned back after a second to get air, and before he could lean in again, Myungsoo said, “Don’t do that.”

Sungjong leaned back, surprised. Myungsoo’s eyes were squeezed shut now, his brow furrowed tight.

“I’m sorry,” Sungjong said. His chin felt a bit like jelly.

“No, I’m sorry, I’m…” Myungsoo trailed off. “Sorry,” he finished lamely. His eyes were open but unfocused. The big gray cloud of the sky was reflected in them.

“Should I… What should I do?” Sungjong said. He was worried that Myungsoo was angry with him, or worse, uncomfortable, and he was perfectly willing to leave except that he didn’t know how to get back to the park and he didn’t have a ride home—

“You can lay down,” Myungsoo said. Sungjong wasn’t sure what that answer meant, but he complied anyway, curling up on his side next to Myungsoo. Hesitantly, he scooted over to rest his head against Myungsoo’s shoulder.

Myungsoo’s opposite hand reached up to tuck a strand of Sungjong’s hair behind his ear.

 

 

 

Even though it wasn't much later than 3:05, Sungjong’s phone was filled with angry texts and a few voice messages, all from “Ganglemonster.” Sungyeol had obviously taken Sungjong’s thoughtful text as a massive whopping red flag, and it was a miracle that he hadn’t immediately called the police. The ride back to Sungyeol’s college was much shorter than the ride to the crêpe stand. The white envelope was folded in Sungjong’s back pocket as he walked up the steps. He hovered by the door, before deciding to just walk home. While he walked, he called Sungyeol, who sounded angry but relieved, and all was well.

The door to Sungjong’s apartment was metal and dark green, the frame painted with some sort of acrylic base that didn’t want to stick to glossy plaster. The key was clunky and square, and you had to keep it in the lock while you twisted the handle. Sungjong’s mom was in the kitchen.

She was leaning over the small round table, her hair tied behind her neck and her hand on her chin. Her other hand was tapping a mechanical pencil against her workbook without any clear tempo. Sungjong took off his shoes and shuffled in. His mom murmured a greeting that he returned. He slid the white envelope across the table, and then made an attempt to leave the room while his mother was reaching for it.

“Sungjong,” she said, and Sungjong slowly turned around. His mother’s eyes were tired. She used to wear mascara but now she just wore foundation. It didn’t do much to hide the dark circles.

“Do you have classes tonight?” Sungjong asked. His eyes skittered over the kitchen floor like cockroaches seeking a crack in the wall to escape through. His mom sighed through her nose.

“Yes, in an hour.” Her voice was always soft, even when she scolded him. Sometimes Sungjong thought his dad took her voice with him when he left. That they ended up shouting so much that their voices ran off together. “What is this?”

“It’s money,” Sungjong said. “I got a job. It’s nothing, really. I don’t need it.”

Sungjong’s mother wasn’t sated. She stood up from the table and walked over to him, leaving the envelope on her workbook. The pages fluttered softly until the envelope was pressed between them like a bookmark. Sungjong’s mother put her hands on his shoulders. He had first grown taller than her when he was fifteen.

She leaned in, and Sungjong anticipated a kiss on the forehead. Instead he got a long, deep sniff. “What… Mom—“ Sungjong backed away. “What are you doing?”

“I hope you aren’t getting in trouble.” His mom shook her head. “We’re doing fine, Sungjong. Whatever you’re doing, whatever you think you need to do… it’s not necessary. We’re doing fine.” She leaned in again and Sungjong flinched, but she actually pressed a kiss to his head this time. “There’s instant noodles on the fridge if you want some.”

Sungjong nodded, kissed his mother on the cheek, and turned and ran to his room before she could remember to give back the envelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to worry, butt plug shenanigans and party scenes are coming soon!


	5. in which sungjong receives a long-awaited package, and woohyun bogarts the squid chips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know yall were waiting for the buttplug scene.  
> and every scene i guess bc i havent updated this in a solid couple of months??? sorry about that. anyway thank you so much to those of you who are still reading, and also i never say things like this but when you comment, bookmark, or give kudos, it gives me a great rush of motivation. i probably wouldn't have been able to write so much without all of your comments, so thank you so much.

 

The seller had promised “discreet shipping,” and Sungjong was not disappointed. The cardboard box was completely innocent. The plastic packaging of the _actual_ plugs, however, was less subtle. _ASS WORKS SUPERSTAR COLLECTION Beginner’s Anal Trainer Kit™_ featured a busty white woman straddling a construction barrier, wearing a reflective vest and not much else.

Receiving the package was the second surprise of the day, the first being a text that woke Sungjong up at 4 in the morning. It read, _“The party’s tonight, I’ll pick you up at eleven.”_ Sungjong was a bit confused but then he realized that L, or rather, Myungsoo, meant eleven at night.

 

SJ: ok i have something to ask

SY: shoot

SJ: can i give myungsoo your college address?

SY: tf is myungsoo?

SJ: its L’s real name

SY: oh

SY: well no

SY: i’d rather you didn’t

SJ: he knows it’s not my house it’s just where i’m going to be picked up today

SY: for the party thing?

SJ: i thought you didn’t know about the party

SJ: you always cut me off when we talk about myungsoo

SY: that doesn't stop you from spewing about him

SJ: ew

SJ: poor word choice

SY: anyway i feel like i have to keep tabs on you

SY: youd probably get yourself killed without me

SJ: probably

SJ: ooh i have another question

SY: oh boy

SJ: can i say i’m staying with you tonight???

SY: sure whatever

SJ: cool. i’ll stop by at like 8 tonight ok? and we’ll hang til 11

SY: so youre actually coming over? and chilling?

SJ: yuppp!

SJ: i miss youuu~

SY: sigh.

SY: ok fine but woohyuns gonna be here

SJ: ( o O o ) !!!

SJ: has he forgiven you then????

SY: i haven’t brought it up

SY: we’re studying for calc together

SY: i guess youre welcome to join us

SJ: rad!!!!

SJ: also

SY: jesus what

SJ: guess what came in the mail!!!! ( ^ o ^ )

SY: does it start with a B and end with UTTPLUG?

SJ: dingdingdingding!!!!

SJ: i’m gonna try them out

SY: what? them?? plural???

SJ: brb

SY: uh take your time

 

 

 

It was with a sort of maddening patience that Sungjong stepped into the shower, waiting for his hair to soak through with warm water. He forced himself to wait until he had finished with the regular cleaning and shaving that he usually did, even making sure to rinse and repeat, and let the conditioner soak in. Throughout this the plugs stood sentinel on the edge of the sink, each a glossy shade of dark purple. Sungjong felt a muted fire burning under his skin, and as he rinsed the suds from his body he could feel the soft thrumming of his heart in his stomach, the pulsing of blood in his ears. He was half-hard before he even reached out for the first plug.

Kneeling on the floor of the shower, the hot spray caught only the top of his head and dripped onto his shoulders. This much was routine—one finger in, two fingers in… the stretch was nothing, he could go farther… three fingers in, and he added more lube. After some prodding around, he decided to try the new toy.

As he sunk down, the burn got more noticeable, and he rocked around, trying to get his muscles to relax around the plug. It felt… nice, not really any different than usual. The smallest plug wasn’t much thicker than his index finger, after all.

The plug slid out far more easily than it had gone in, and Sungjong immediately felt himself needing to be filled again. His insides felt flushed, soft. He felt around, marveling at how he melted at the touch. After becoming a bit distracted by his own fingers, Sungjong reached out and grabbed at the second plug, much more formidable than the first, and lined it up.

The difference was immediate, and a small whine escaped from between his teeth as Sungjong shifted back, hardly an inch down the length, already stretched a good amount—it wasn’t necessarily painful, but he felt as though his body was complaining that it wasn’t built to take so much at once. Sungjong used more lube, and sunk down farther, farther, until he was at the widest point and panting, the muscles of his legs trembling.

And then, the final inch, and he sat back on the shower floor. He could feel everything, as if there wasn’t enough room for him to take a breath. So _full._ He leaned back, feeling the plug moving inside of him. The small pain that came with the movement sent sparks to the tips of his toes, and he shuddered.

It was hard to move, as all the nerves in his body felt like they were collapsing in. It took every fiber of his being to keep his hands away from his crotch, as that was the center of the flames. Instead, he forced himself to wait, head leaning back against his shoulders, sluggishly shifting back and forth against the floor. It was overwhelming to say the least, and he wanted to enjoy it as much as possible.

Sungjong shifted back again, trying to find his prostate, only finding more burn. After a few experimental shimmies and hip positions, he leaned again and felt a quick and creeping intensity. His hand automatically found its way between his legs, and he remained leaning against the wall, his hand moving fast and tight and his ass pressed flush against the base of the plug, until he finally came, vision blurring.

Of all the times he had come with Myungsoo’s face and voice in his mind, this was by far the best. Climbing shakily to his feet, Sungjong turned off the water and reached for a towel.

 

 

Sungjong showed up at Sungyeol’s dorm building at 7:28, rocking back onto his heels until finally texting Sungyeol at 7:30 to let him in. They went back to the room together. The twin bed was occupied.

Sungjong wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Woohyun before. He looked nice, even if he was eating the squid chips that Sungjong had stashed behind Sungyeol’s fridge in March. His eyes got small when he smiled and said hello.

“But that’s not how it fucking _works_ ,” Sungyeol was saying. “They couldn’t kill the alien because its blood was made of _acid_ , dumbass.”

“But they could light it on fire, right?” Woohyun spewed squid crumbs. “That’s what they did in _Isolation._ ”

“Don’t you dare come into my house and claim that _Isolation_ is a good source—”

“It’s a perfectly good source! It’s part of the series, isn’t it?”

“Um, if you two don’t mind, I’m going to charge my phone.”

“Yeah, go ahead, Sungjong. Okay but this is rich coming from a guy who hasn’t even read the illustrated story.”

Woohyun snorted. “Nobody’s read that but you.”

“It’s a masterpiece.”

“It’s the movie in comic book form. You’re a geek.”

“You both are,” said Sungjong. He was lying on the bed now, while the two hyungs chattered by the computer. Sungjong lazily flipped through a catalogue full of high-tech toasters and expensive pool supplies. He bookmarked a page with a “discreet personal massager” listed on it.

“When’s daddy coming to pick you up again?” Sungyeol said, craning his neck to throw a properly cynical look at Sungjong.

“Not soon enough.”

Woohyun spun around in his chair. “What’s up with that again? Are you sleeping with him?” Apparently Woohyun was the curious type.

“No, I’m not,” said Sungjong. “Not yet, anyway,” he added.

“He wants to, though,” said Sungyeol.

“Shut up, I do _not_.”

“Are you even going to try to pretend you don’t like him now?”

“Yes. Wait. Shut up.” Sungjong hugged Sungyeol’s pillow. He wished he had his bear to snuggle, or maybe strangle.

Woohyun laughed. “He’s cute.”

Sungyeol snorted. “Believe me, he knows.”

 

 

It was the sticky kind of summer night, and Sungjong’s 240,000 won jeans stuck to his inner thighs. He breathed in the warm air, feeling it in his lungs like water. The cab that rolled up may have been the same one as last time, but it was hard to tell in the dark. It was equally black and shiny, but this one had Myungsoo in it.

“Hello,” Sungjong said.

“Hello,” Myungsoo replied. He smiled, and Sungjong may have melted a little bit.

When Sungjong took his seat inside the cab, Myungsoo put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close. Sungjong was surprised, but he was happy to shift comfortably against Myungsoo’s side. He was warm, and Sungjong considered the transfer of heat from body to body.

“Try and stay close to me,” Myungsoo murmured. Sungjong craned his head to look up at him. His eyes were trained on the air in front of him, as if he wasn’t speaking. “This isn’t a big thing, it’s just some of my, uh, old classmates getting together. I kind of want to get it over with, honestly.”

Sungjong nodded. “I get it.”

“I hate parties. We can leave early.” Myungsoo was quieter now. Sungjong wondered if he was talking to himself. He nodded anyway.

The air in the cab was close and warm. Myungsoo was hesitant but still more courageous than usual with the way he made contact with Sungjong—his fingers absently laced through Sungjong’s hair, while his other hand lightly tapped on Sungjong’s knee. Sungjong’s eyes glazed over and he focused on nothing but the feeling of being pet. When Myungsoo spoke his mouth was quite close to Sungjong’s ear.

“I hope this is okay,” he said.

“Mm, it’s fine,” Sungjong replied. He leaned his head back against Myungsoo’s shoulder. He could smell his shampoo.

The party was in a small bar or club that appeared to be mostly underground—all that Sungjong could see of it from the car window was a tasteful neon sign and some long, thin windows at ground level from which bright pink light spilled out onto the pavement. Iron gates and matching stairs led down into a small space with a clouded glass door laid into the concrete wall. Sungjong felt, rather than heard, the music from inside. When the door opened into a lounge, the bass made his teeth throb.

The place smelled like smoke and incense, and it looked like it too—Sungjong could barely make out the figures at the other end of the lounge. It appeared that the place was not intended for dancing, but for mingling. A long bar was pressed along the far left side of the room. Booths and tables, some of them topped with intimidating vaporizer machines, lined the edges of the floor. The middle was filled with oddly shaped modern furniture.

Myungsoo’s friends were in a booth in the back corner. There was a hookah in the middle that emitted a sweet smell that clouded Sungjong’s nose and head.

One was short with good eyebrows, and the other looked vaguely offended for no reason. It was loud, and they had to repeat their names several times before Sungjong just nodded and pretended that he heard them properly. He scooted into the booth and was followed by Myungsoo, who squished him up against Eyebrows. Eyebrows didn’t seem to mind this at all, and threw his arm around Sungjong’s shoulders to prod Myungsoo in the neck and snicker.

“Cute friend you got,” he shouted. “How did you two meet?”

Sungjong blinked and turned to look at Myungsoo, unsure. Myungsoo cleared his throat.

“Online,” he shouted back. “We met online.”

“What site?” the other friend shouted. He didn’t seem to have the kind of voice made for speaking loudly.

“I’m going to go get some drinks,” Myungsoo shouted, pointing at the bar. He scooted out and made his escape, leaving Sungjong stuck up against Eyebrows.

“Sungjong, how old are you?” the far one shouted.

“I’m twenty-one,” Sungjong shouted back. Eyebrows still had his arm around Sungjong’s shoulder.

“Are you in school?”

“No.”

A moment of (relative) silence.

“You both went to school with Myungsoo, right?”

“Yeah, I was his roommate for a while,” Eyebrows said. “Sunggyu was in his philosophy class.”

So Sunggyu was the one who looked like someone had sneezed on him. Alright. Eyebrows seemed awfully chummy, and Sungjong wondered what was in the pipe in front of him.

Myungsoo returned with a bottle and three glasses, which he gave to the others.

“None for you?” Sunggyu said, at the same time as Eyebrows said “You can’t have the _whole bottle_.”

“I don’t drink, remember? It messes with my meds.”

“Damn. Have some of this, then,” Eyebrows said, releasing Sungjong to tap the metal mouthpiece of the hookah.

Half of Myungsoo’s mouth smiled, half of his face dimpling. “Maybe.”

He poured drinks. The glasses were small enough and the beverage clear enough to be intimidating. It smelled like nail polish remover and Sungjong didn’t really feel good about putting it in his body, but when Eyebrows and Sunggyu threw their cups back he followed suit, trying to get it out of his mouth as soon as possible. Predictably, his nose burned, but he kept it to himself.

“Wow, your friend really knows how to drink,” Eyebrows laughed. He ruffled Sungjong’s hair. Myungsoo looked as annoyed as Sungjong felt.

There was something itchy in the atmosphere, something about the bar and the people and the light and music that got under his skin. The bits of conversation that could be overheard weren’t that interesting. Sungjong accepted his glass when it was refilled and tossed it back without waiting for the others. It had more in it this time, and he hissed as he felt the dull burn sink into his chest and rest under his diaphragm. Eyebrows (or Howon, as Myungsoo eventually called him) was talking animatedly to Sunggyu, who was occasionally wiping sweat off his upper lip. Neither seemed the type to end up in a bar like this. Sungjong turned to Myungsoo, who was staring in the other direction.

Seized with the intense need to somehow have Myungsoo’s attention, Sungjong leaned against him, letting his body relax, his head leaning against Myungsoo’s shoulder, in the same way they had been in the car. Rather than putting his arm around him, like Sungjong had hoped, or stiffening up, like he had expected, Myungsoo shot straight out of the booth, wobbling on his feet and saying “Gotta get some fresh air” before powerwalking to the door. Sungjong, who had bruised his elbow catching himself on the edge of the table, was a little pissed off.

As the night went on, his lungs became accustomed to the smoggy room. After a while Sungjong stopped checking over his shoulder to see if Myungsoo was coming back. His glass was refilled and emptied again. He was starting to like the music and the venue. Maybe he was even warming up to Sunggyu and Howon. Sungjong leaned against Howon’s side. Howon reacted with delight, throwing his arm around Sungjong and pulling him in too tight. Sungjong could smell his aftershave and he didn’t really like it but he also didn’t care. After the fourth shot, Myungsoo came back in.

Sungjong had been caught up in watching Howon blow curls of smoke out of his nose. When Myungsoo tapped his shoulder, Sungjong spun around so fast he got dizzy.

“ _Helloooo, daddy_ ,” he said, looking up at Myungsoo with a giggle. “I missed you.”

He could see a muscle twitch in Myungsoo’s jaw. “Sorry,” Myungsoo said.

Sungjong pouted. “You abandoned me, all alone, just an innocent boy in this… house of sin…”

“I think it’s time to go,” Myungsoo said, reaching out to take Sungjong’s hand.

“But we just got here,” Sungjong whined. He gave Myungsoo his hand and interlocked their fingers. Instead of getting up he just held on, swinging their arms together.

“Bye guys,” Myungsoo said to Sunggyu and Howon, who were hardly paying attention. He grabbed Sungjong’s arm with his other hand, pulled him to his feet, and, curving an arm around his waist, led him to the door.

It had been a hot day and the night hadn’t been given much of a chance to cool off. However the clear air came as a huge relief to Sungjong as he crouched on the sidewalk. Myungsoo stood a few feet away, calling a car.

The ground kept coming forward at him, and Sungjong wobbled, trying to stay calm. He wasn’t that drunk, was he?

The rest of the night would fade in his memory, but the car ride was spent with his head secure and warm on Myungsoo’s shoulder, Myungsoo’s hand tapping gently on his knee.

 


End file.
